Most people just don’t understand . . . .

It’s Monday, October 27, and much of the Death Care universe is centered in Chicago, Illinois, attending the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) International Convention & Expo.  I had my schedule of the convention mapped out and was looking forward to attending my friend Doug Gober’s session on “Customer Loyalty” this morning”  and learning from the Glenn Gould, Jeff Smith, and Chris Farmer sessions tomorrow.

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As I write this on Wednesday, October 22, however, I’ve cancelled my attendance as it just happens to be one of those years where “Life” got in my way.  I’ll miss seeing old friends and meeting new ones.  I’ll miss learning about new products and services to help those who deal on the front lines with families who have lost loved ones.

I’ve been retired now for over a decade from owning and operating a funeral home and working everyday as a funeral director.  I notified a couple of my friends, whom I make a point to see every year, that I would not be in attendance this year and, in part, received the following reply from one of those funeral directors, “I’m dragging my feet this trip a bit. Having problems getting a spring to my step. New teen suicide this morning also has me down.”

When I read that it put me back into remembering my days on the front line of funeral service and days where, I too, “got down”.  I don’t know how many days I went to work and got a call from law enforcement or a parent about an auto accident or suicide.  Those types of deaths happened with “friends” and “church members”, and “Little Leaguers”.

Like I surmise from that funeral director, I always dreaded going and seeing the families, most of whom I knew in our small community, under those circumstances.

Those arrangements and services always took an incredible amount of effort.  I was numb to anything else going on in the world for those four or five days during the time period of arrangements to burial.  The effort it took to serve those families almost always sapped me and when the services were over I needed time to decompress.  I was lucky to have an incredible wife and family that seemed to understand my situation at that time.

It eventually got to the point that I would ask myself, “Why do they always ask for me?” . . . .Because secretly I wished that these families didn’t.

However, I eventually reached a point where I said to myself, “Somebody has to take care of these people and no one will do it better than me.”  That attitude helped me see the end of the rainbow for funeral service. . . . . regardless of the effort involved, it was my duty and responsibility to see these families forward  — if it wasn’t my duty to do so, I concluded, whose duty was it?

So, in Chicago today, enjoy the Expo floor, enjoy the seminars, but most of all, give support to each other because as a funeral director you know the effort needed to help grieving families in a society where most people just don’t understand.

May God Bless your efforts.

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