Grief relief — it comes in all shapes and sizes

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I probably don’t write enough about some aspects of Death Care.  I get caught up in the business of funeral homes or the new products that help funeral directors and others do their job and sometimes forget about the “nuts and bolts” of why funeral directors do what they do.

But there is a big part of being a funeral director and one of the main reasons families pay tribute to and memorialize their loved ones after they die. . . that is the part of working to release the grief that we feel after loss.  And, I know it is there because among other losses in my life, my father died when I was a teenager and my brother took his own life at age 31. . . . . Those events are now over 40 and 30 years ago respectively, yet I still think about what life would be like today if they were both still present in my life.

I think my grief has been pretty normal if there is a “normal” for grief. . . I loved them, but know that they are not here on earth anymore.  I’ve moved on. . .but yet I continue to remember and memorialize in, what I believe, is a positive way. . . .and, I hope I always continue to do that.  And I also believe that “learning from my loss” has helped me become a better human being.

I also know that everybody grieves differently and in their own time and space.  I was reminded of that quite by accident on Sunday night when I watched the CBS program 60 Minutes which aired an incredible episode on The Mountain Seed Foundation and what they are doing to help Ukrainian widows and children, whose fathers and husbands have died in the conflict roiling in Ukraine, cope and move forward from those losses.

I was fascinated by the program and the organization that has been put in place by Retired Lt. Col. Nathan Schmidt of the United States Marine Corp to help these people from across the world heal.  And, it comes from Lt. Col. Schmidt’s own experiences of healing from the grief he suffered in three tours of Iraq and the losses he incurred during those tours.  You can read his story here.  In his own words, here is part of what he says, “. . and although I looked strong on the outside, I was broken on the inside. It has taken me over a decade to heal.” 

Tom Anderson
Funeral Director Daily

Lt. Col. Schmidt founded The Mountain Seed Foundation to help others heal and some of those he is helping suffer from war-torn regions like Ukraine.  Again, I know that we all heal differently and it was interesting to hear an Ukrainian widow describe her journey. . . .Paraphrasing, here’s what she said, “Life has been like reading a book for me.  But when my husband was killed, I just stopped turning the pages.  The Mountain Seed Foundation has got me moving forward again.”

Again, I know that as a writer and business I get caught up knowing that I write a lot about the “business” of Death Care.  Seeing 60 Minutes Sunday night, however, has reminded me that the “business” of Death Care should be ancillary for funeral directors to the primary human and fundamental mission of our occupation and that is to provide an outlet and pathway for those who have suffered loss to “heal and remember”.

To view the 60 Minutes episode on YouTube click here.

To whet your appetite, here’s a couple of comments that I saw on the comment section of YouTube.

• “That was heart-wrenching. Thank you to the Ukrainian families who shared their stories and grief. It’s hard enough to go through something like this even without cameras in your face. I hope this experience really did give them some amount of healing.”

• “Nathan Schmidt you are changing the world! Inspired by you and your incredible story. You are an example of the best of humanity. Keep doing the impossible. Your high school government teacher is proud of you.”

• “Incredible, inspiring story of courage, healing, community. This is news about humans at their best, truth-telling about compassion to balance so much cruelty. Thanks for featuring them.”

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