Funeral Directors Can’t Quit Their Annual PSL Tradition

I’ve been living a double life.

Most of you know me as the person who drops a weekly batch of funeral industry satire in the FFFW. But here’s the twist—when I’m not poking fun at embalming fluid and grief dogs, I’m actually a signed recording artist in Nashville with Capital CMG.

This year, music has become my main focus. Still, I love this profession too much to step away from the FFFW. Honestly, writing this every week is one of my highlights.

And speaking of highlights— My boss, Ryan Thogmartin, has been nudging me to plug my music here for a while now, and I think today’s the day. So, here it is: I just released my debut EP, OUTSKIRTS (a 7-song record).

No, it’s not funeral themed (though now I’m wondering what a concept album about embalming would sound like). But if you enjoy the FFFW and want to hear what else I create, I’d love for you to check it out. Maybe there’s a song or two on there that’ll hit home for you.

CHECK IT OUT HERE

Hey, also what’s really cool is that Kyle from MemoryShare has been one of my #1 encouragers through this whole process. So check out what he and his incredible company are doing!

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Funeral Home Owner Trots Out Annual “Pumpkin Spice Latte” Joke, Staff Politely Laugh for 7th Straight Year

SPRINGFIELD, MO – Fall has officially arrived at Whitmore Funeral Chapel, marked not by the changing leaves or the chill in the air, but by the predictable sound of owner Dale Whitmore recycling his annual joke at the expense of his younger staff.

The moment occurred Monday morning when apprentice director Kyle Hastings walked in holding a Starbucks cup. Without missing a beat, Dale quipped: “Careful with that—real men drink black coffee.”

Witnesses confirm it’s the seventh consecutive year Dale has delivered the same joke, with the exact same smirk, and the same dramatic pause afterward. “He actually chuckled at his own line before anyone else could react,” said embalmer Jeff. “That’s when we knew: fall is here.”

At this point, the bit has become something of an office tradition. “It’s less about the joke and more about watching Dale’s face light up like he’s reinvented stand-up comedy,” Kyle explained. “We chuckle, we nod, and we move on with our day. It’s basically our version of putting up the Halloween décor.”

Other staff admit they quietly prepare for it. “I order a PSL every October just so Dale can get it out of his system,” said grief counselor Paula. “It’s cheaper than therapy.”

Despite growing weariness from employees, Dale shows no signs of retiring the gag. “As long as Starbucks keeps selling those things, I’m gonna keep saying it,” he said proudly. “Tradition matters in this profession.”

When asked if he ever considered a new joke, Dale shook his head. “Why mess with perfection?”

Trivia

Choose the correct answer and you’ll see a puppy. Get it wrong and you’ll see someone hurting themselves.

When adjusted for inflation and modern currency, who’s funeral was the most expensive in history?

What is the most expensive funeral ever recorded in modern history?
A) Alexander the Great’s funeral
B) Princess Diana’s funeral
C) Pope John Paul II’s funeral

You Otter Be Proud

Here’s some good news going on in the profession.

1. This Milford nonprofit helps families with high funeral costs
2. People Magazine Covers Funeral Profession Story
3. Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones

HBO’s recent documentary “The Mortician” probably gave the Death Care profession some bad publicity.  However, at least in one case as evidenced by this article in The Free Press titled “My husband wants to be cremated.  I’d ignore his dying wish“, it brought out a re-constituted call for the traditional visitation and funeral.

The author of the article, River Page, says this about cremation of a loved one, “I know the peace that ritual brings, and I am afraid of losing it. That’s why I refuse to cremate my husband. I also have a terrible, recurring vision about checking the mailbox to find his ashes crammed in there next to the water bill and a coupon for 75 cents off dishwashing liquid. But the indignity of it all is a secondary matter, as is the possibility, raised by HBO’s documentary, that the ashes might not even be his. I don’t think I could survive the loneliness of taking his ashes into the house, opening the box, and crying alone, trying desperately to figure out when and where the end ought to be.. . .”

And here is what she says of the traditional funeral of her grandmother:

“We buried my grandmother where six generations of her family lay. The finality of this moment gave us permission to stop crying, stop hoping, and go to sleep. We had exhausted ourselves, destroyed our will to fight or flee reality with the sight of dirt hitting casket, and reached the final stage of grief: acceptance. . . . . . The lesson you learn by grieving is that life goes on, and you learn that lesson quicker and easier when you have to see the corpse, the coffin, the grave or funeral pyre—when you have a process to be worked through, one that you didn’t choose, one that isn’t convenient or easy, because that’s life, and death too.”

She continues by saying the following about her family’s tradition:

“. . .  mourning is a process, and processes require structure: a beginning, middle, and end. This is what traditional death rituals provide. They also force the mourner to do things he does not want to do: get out of bed, get dressed, leave the house, talk to people, carry the coffin, shovel the dirt. His ancestors, who passed down these traditions, recognized what he, in his grief, could not: that one cannot deny death by ignoring it, that it is not good to grieve alone, that life goes on, and so must he.”

Tom Anderson
Funeral Director Daily

Funeral Director Daily:  I thought that this was a very good read and great  re-inforcement for those that believe in “the value of the traditional funeral”.  I also understand that with the continued trend of cremation this thought process will not do any more than “bend the curve” but it does give ammunition for those who prefer to go through the traditional grief process.

And, I think that grief process is healthy.  Maybe as more people realize it the “tide of no services” may be slowed down somewhat.

However, I’m also a firm believer that society moves through stages and as John Naisbitt offered in his book “Megatrends”, America has moved through the Agricultural Age, the Industrial Age, and the Information Age.  I’m of the opinion that we are on the cusp of the “Convenience Age” and many of our historical traditions will be eliminated because of their “lack of convenience”. . . . . . Traditional funerals will be one of them. . .

More news from the world of Death Care:

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“A servant’s attitude guided by Christ leads to a significant life”

The month of May is one that signals many holidays, one of which relates to how we care for the cemetery plots of our family and friends. Particularly in the south it seems that family cemetery plots are cared for by relatives for generations by tradition. That is, of course, as opposed to “perpetual care” cemeteries that are owned by private entities and the cost to bury your loved ones there assures the lawn will always be mowed and debris removed from wind, rain, and other unpleasant weather conditions. Very often the final Saturday of the month, coinciding with Memorial Day weekend, is called

for cemeteries in the southern United States.

It’s a family custom as to how often people visit cemeteries and the gravesides of their predecessors. Some families have benches placed nearby for sitting, and others go maybe once or twice a year. It is a personal choice and experience for each of us.

Taking young children along with you on visits to graveyards is an excellent teaching opportunity for them to learn the names and relationships of their ancestors. Seeing the names and dates of people, some of whose names they share, is a great teaching experience.

Also, they learn pride in caring for a site that is constructed with a headstone commemorating a life. It is something that we as adults take for granted, but in reality, it’s the first lesson in genealogy that we can share.

Children can be encouraged to bring a small rock from home to place on or near a gravesite to mark that they have visited. There are also traditions of placing coins on a gravestone; “leaving a penny means you visited the grave, leaving a nickel means you went to basic training together, leaving a dime means you served together, and leaving a quarter means you were there when a service person was killed,” according to

. There is something special and solemn about paying respects to a loved one’s graveside.

Depending on the rules of the particular cemetery or mausoleum, fresh or silk flowers can be placed with reminders to replace and refresh them when weather changes. Perpetual care cemeteries do this for your loved ones as part of their service, or they offer that for a small additional annual fee.

Small standing flags are often placed on the ground near graves for military veterans by local veterans organizations and groups. The group “Wreaths Across America” coordinates wreath-laying ceremonies at graves in various cities, including Bryan-College Station, to honor those who have served. You can sponsor wreaths by visiting their

. The next National Wreaths Across America Day is December 16, 2023.

Traditionally in the south, one Saturday in May is set aside for Decoration Day and cemetery cleanup. The day varies, depending on weather, but it often coincides with Memorial Day weekend, always the last weekend in May. Typically, families will visit their family plots on this weekend, whether or not they had loved ones in military service.

Locally you can check the city websites to see if a cleanup day is set. It would be a good occasion to begin the silk flower program, which directs placement of flowers for single occasions, or special occasions, twice per year, or seasonal placement four times a year. At

, you can begin this service by calling Stacy at (979) 778-7878.

In College Station, the

“conducts a general grounds clean-up of the College Station Cemetery, the Memorial Cemetery of College Station, and the Aggie Field of Honor on the last week of each month.” There are specific rules that specify what kind of flowers can be placed near monuments and the period of time they can remain.

In Bryan there are

. In addition to the

and Oakwood Cemetery, there is the newly restored Grandview Cemetery (thanks to efforts led by Bryan City Councilman Prentiss Madison), Mount Calvary Cemetery and Boonville Cemetery, in addition to numerous smaller private cemeteries.

Throughout the month, weather depending, you’ll find people gathered to update and improve the gravesites with pride for the final resting places of loved ones. Many times family reunions are set when schools are out for the summer and it’s part of reunion to put new flowers out, whether fresh or silk, and to remember the family members who were once such an active part of reunions.

After the headstones and surrounding areas are exactly as you want them, you might consider taking a photograph or two and adding them to the website

. It is known as the world’s largest gravesite collection and it is free to join and search. No fees are required. You can search for your ancestors’ gravesites here. People from all over the country may reach out to you as well, distant relatives, and they will often leave a flower and a message in the guest book to let you know they visited.

Whatever your tradition, any time spent at the gravesides of your forefathers and loved ones is time well spent. Sharing your history and the rich stories that bring it to life is one of the best gifts you can leave for future generations to follow. Happy Decoration Day!

Combining the time-honored tradition of viewing with the modern option of simple cremation allows families to honor their loved ones compassionately and respectfully. A cremation service in St. Charles, MO, perfectly balances traditional and contemporary practices, giving families the chance to gather, reflect, and pay their respects meaningfully. By providing both a viewing and cremation, families can preserve the essential rituals that bring comfort during times of grief while also embracing the simplicity and practicality of modern cremation options. This blend of tradition and modernity helps create an opportunity for healing, as loved ones are remembered with dignity and care. It also caters to the evolving preferences of today’s families, who may seek a more streamlined approach while still wanting the emotional closure that a traditional viewing offers. Combining these elements ensures that every family can find the right balance for their personal needs and values, making the service as unique as the lives being honored.

Preserving the Ritual of Viewing

Simple cremation with a viewing allows families to hold onto the critical tradition of gathering to pay respects to a loved one. The viewing provides an opportunity for friends and family to come together, reflect, and share memories in a personal and communal way. This practice helps maintain a sense of closure, which can be an essential part of the grieving process.

The Flexibility of Cremation

Cremation offers families flexibility in planning memorials, allowing for a more personalized and adaptable approach. Whether held immediately after the viewing or later, cremation provides an option that suits the family’s timing and preferences. This flexibility is one of the critical ways modern cremation blends with traditional elements, meeting the evolving needs of families.

Balancing Affordability with Meaning

Simple cremation with a viewing offers a meaningful way to honor the deceased without some of the additional costs associated with traditional funerals. While the focus is on the viewing, cremation afterward provides a dignified and respectful option for final arrangements. This balance allows families to create a meaningful tribute while staying within their financial means.

A Modern Approach to Memorialization

As families seek ways to personalize the funeral process, simple cremation with a viewing offers a blend of both traditional and modern memorial options. Some families may incorporate elements such as multimedia presentations during the viewing or have guests share stories in a more informal setting. This approach allows families to honor their loved ones in a way that feels right for them.

Viewing as a Moment for Closure

For many families, the viewing represents an essential step in the healing process. It allows individuals to say their final goodbyes in an intimate and personal setting. This tradition, rooted in history, comforts grieving families even as modern practices evolve.

Honoring Diverse Family Needs

Simple cremation with viewing honors the diverse needs of families who may seek both traditional and contemporary elements in their memorial services. Whether driven by cultural, religious, or personal preferences, this option accommodates many wishes while maintaining respect and dignity.

Simple cremation with a viewing allows families to blend cherished traditions with modern practices, allowing for a meaningful yet flexible way to honor loved ones. This approach preserves the importance of the viewing, allowing family and friends to gather and say their goodbyes in a comforting and personal environment. By combining this with the simplicity of cremation, families can achieve a thoughtful balance between tradition and convenience. Whether considering a cremation service this option provides a dignified and respectful way to memorialize a loved one.

Personalized Grieving Process

With fewer time-sensitive demands, families can create a grieving process that feels more personal and thoughtful. This allows for more planning and a memorial that fully honors the deceased’s life. Families can take the time to organize a tribute that genuinely reflects their loved one’s personality and the memories they wish to cherish.

Choosing a cremation service in St. Louis, MO, provides a compassionate and flexible option for families looking to honor their loved ones in a dignified way. With simple cremation, families can focus on meaningful farewells without the stress of elaborate arrangements. This option not only eases logistical burdens but also allows for personalized memorials that can be planned according to each family’s unique wishes. At St. Louis Cremation, we are committed to ensuring your loved one is treated with respect and care throughout the process. For more information on how we can support you, please call us today.