Funeral Home Fantasy Leagues | FFFW 248

Y’all! This marks the end of August as we turn the corner into September. August was fantastic and was our last FULL month of Summer. According to Google, Fall kicks off on September 22nd. I personally believe Fall starts as soon as the first ball is punted for the season. Let’s make the most of it!

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Funeral Homes Quietly Adopt Code Words to Discuss Fantasy League in Front of Families

Funeral homes across the country have reportedly developed secret code words to disguise fantasy football talk during services.

“We don’t say touchdown anymore,” said Mark Ellis of Restful Pines Chapel. “It’s pallbearer assembled. If you hear urn placement, that means our kicker finally hit an extra point. And the hearse needs gas? That’s code for check the waiver wire before it locks.”

The system isn’t foolproof. At one service, a director whispered, “The casket hinges are loose,” which staff knew meant “bench your QB2.” Unfortunately, the family thought the casket was collapsing.

Slip-ups are becoming legendary. One director gave a tearful eulogy while live-tracking his quarterback’s interceptions, while another renamed the chapel WiFi ‘ESPN Fantasy League Headquarters.’ And last month, an obituary listed the cause of death as “auto-drafted kickers.”

“Families trust us with dignity,” admitted one director. “But if you think I’m ignoring a trade proposal during a graveside, you’re out of your mind.”

Trivia

Choose the correct answer and you’ll see a puppy. Get it wrong and you’ll see someone hurting themselves.

The University of Michigan’s “Big House” is the largest stadium in college football, with a capacity of over 107,000. If every fan in attendance carried a standard-sized funeral program (about 8.5×11 inches), how many acres of paper would that cover if laid out flat?

A) 18 acres

B) 27 acres

C) 35 acres

You Otter Be Proud

Here’s some good news going on in the profession.

1. This Milford nonprofit helps families with high funeral costs
2. People Magazine Covers Funeral Profession Story
3. Fifth-generation funeral director Jeff Monreal helps families grieve, celebrate loved ones