Honest Epitaphs & Obit Debates | 4M #201

Welcome to the two-hundred-and-first edition of Morticians’ Monday Morning Mashup, 4M #201, where we’ll serve up bite-sized, easily-digestible nuggets of the deathcare news you need to crush conversations in the week ahead. Bon appetit!

Ozzy’s epitaph

Although the late and great Ozzy Osbourne was in good health when he penned his 2010 autobiography, I Am Ozzy, he included his thoughts about his own death and final arrangements, upon which multiple outlets are now reflecting. “I’ve said to Sharon: ‘Don’t cremate me, whatever you do.’ I want to be put in the ground, in a nice garden somewhere, with a tree planted over my head. A crabapple tree, preferably, so the kids can make wine out of me and get pissed out of their heads.” He also expressed what he wanted inscribed on his tombstone: “I ain’t under any illusions. If I close my eyes, I can already see it: Ozzy Osbourne, born 1948. Died, whenever. He bit the head off a bat.” 

Another plea

The legal saga continues for Jon and Carie Hallford, in whose Colorado funeral home authorities found nearly 200 decomposing bodies in 2023. Last week, Carie Hallford pleaded guilty to federal charge of conspiracy to commit wire fraud — an action her husband also took a few months ago, earning him a 20-year prison sentence. The final sentencing for Carie’s charges will take place in December. 

Ask the expert?

A New York Times editor has embarked on a project that could be quite interesting to (and hopefully involve input from) the deathcare community. The NYT series “Death in the Modern Age,” according to a recent article entitled “Have a Question About Death? A New Project May Have the Answers,” will “focus on end-of-life issues and serve as a resource for readers who might be grappling with their own mortality or coping with the loss of someone close to them.” An FAQ forum titled “Let’s Talk About Death” is the “cornerstone” of the project and has already garnered “several hundred submissions.” No word on who will be answering these questions. 

“Lazy” obits

Is using all the cool new artificial intelligence-powered obituary-writing tools to provide families with a beautifully personalized tribute a solution — or is it “lazy?” That’s what some outlets are saying after The Washington Post published an article on the growing use of AI in deathcare. Here are some of the (frankly infuriating) headlines, but you can be the judge of how fair they are:

Enlightening and Honest NYT Article About Deathcare Draws Interesting Responses

These days, anytime a deathcare professional hears that the funeral service is the subject of a big news story, cringing with dread is usually the natural reaction. The profession’s (very) few bad actors seem to gather 99% of the spotlight. On May 15, though, The New York Times featured an article that shed an empathetic and fair light on the industry’s economic challenges, highlighting positive innovations and featuring some of deathcare’s brightest stars.

The NYT headline, “Profits Are Stagnant. But the Funeral Industry Is Not Dead Yet,” was followed by the subtitle, “As cremation rates rise and consumer preferences shift, funeral homes are innovating in surprisingly unconventional ways so they don’t die out.” The story, authored by Susan Shain, was an installment in the outlet’s Making It Work series about “small-business owners striving to endure hard times.”

Similar sentiments 

For the article, which requires a subscription for full access, Shain interviewed four funeral professionals, each of whom addressed deathcare’s current concerns (overwhelmingly, rising cremation rates and staffing shortages) and how they’re overcoming them. Lanae Strovers, funeral director at Hamilton’s Funeral Home in Des Moines, Iowa, shared examples of highly-customized services she’s created for families, citing the similarities to planning parties. 

“[..T]hose two lines are crossing over and we just need to open up our thought process and be there to help the families,” Strovers said. 

Walker Posey of Funeral Directors in North Augusta, South Carolina seconded Strovers, describing some of the highly personalized services he has conducted. Posey said that educating families that services like these aren’t just limited to traditional burials, but can accompany cremation as well. 

Sarah Smith, a funeral director at Einan’s at Sunset Funeral Home in Richland, Washington, and Faith Haug, chair of the mortuary science department at Arapahoe Community College in Littleton, Colorado, offered similar responses. Both advocated for evolving business models and complementary offerings, such as bright, all-purpose event spaces, low-cost cremations, and more eco-friendly options like green burial and natural organic reduction. 

And now … the comments

Unlike subscribers to some platforms, the majority of the NYT readers who commented on Shain’s article offered some profound responses and only a couple of truly derogatory replies. 

Many recommended preplanning and notifying family members of those plans, while others recommended body donation for medical study. Some expressed their personal plans or preferences and discussed specifics like the validity of headstones, whether or not public viewings should continue and how funeral home paperwork could be cut down. And of course, there were the obligatory few bemoaning “Big Death” and high carbon footprint disposition methods.

Overall optimism

In light of many recent deathcare-related headlines, this piece is refreshingly optimistic and honest. End-of-life preferences may be changing, but the profession remains ready to serve, whether that means hosting a cocktail hour and setting up a runway and mannequins for a service for a model and fashion designer (as Strovers has done) or hiring people wearing superhero costumes to greet visitors at the memorial for a child (thanks to Posey).

Haug closes out the piece on a hopeful note, predicting that even if some operations are forced to close their doors or sell to large corporations the deathcare profession will live on.

“Funeral service will exist until there are no people,” Ms. Haug said. “I mean, animals care for their dead — the profession is not going away. But it does look different than it used to, and it is going to continue to evolve.”