Coffin Rings & Black Holes | 4M #164

Welcome to the hundred-and-sixty-fourth edition of Morticians’ Monday Morning Mashup, 4M #164, where we’ll serve up bite-sized, easily-digestible nuggets of the deathcare news you need to crush conversations in the week ahead. Bon appetit!

Kiss it goodbye

It was learned last week that controversial politician Henry Kissinger, who died at the ripe old age of 100 last year, requested in his will that a “monument” be erected at his gravesite in Arlington Cemetery. However, that probably won’t happen, even though his four executors are backed with funds from an $80 million estate. Arlington’s regulations for markers are quite clear — and restrictive, especially when it comes to “private” endeavors. Kissinger reps have concluded that the eventual marker will be “limited to no more than 4 feet high, 4 feet wide, and 2 feet deep,” which is still larger than the cemetery’s traditional white military stones, which are 42 inches tall, 13 inches wide and 4 inches thick.

Mixed messages

Move over, cremation jewelry — there’s a new death-themed ring in town. It’s the “trendy” coffin-shaped engagement ring, and according to this press release, it’s “catching the eyes of an increasing number of young people, even surpassing traditional pear shapes to become the go-to choice for those seeking personalized engagement rings.” The Starland Boutique website, which features several styles with “coffin-cut” stones, says the intention is to signify that marriage is a “‘til death do us part” commitment.  

It could happen …

You guys know better than anyone that there are millions of ways to die, but have you ever considered what it would be like to die in space? More specifically, by falling into a black hole? Well, today’s your lucky day, because a YouTuber has quite thoroughly illustrated that potential demise — just as he has depicted dying by drinking too much water and what happens to your brain at death. In case you were wondering, bodies that fall into a black hole will be “spaghettified” — stretched to become taller and thinner — by the hole’s gravity force. Chances are you’ll never have to serve the family of a person who dies in a black hole, but just in case, I guess it’s good to know.

You already have the black ties

While we didn’t receive an invitation, we’re excited to read about the upcoming Undertakers Ball, an upcoming black-tie event that raises funds for funeral service student scholarships. Sponsored by the Undertakers Ball Association of St. Louis, an organization dedicated to celebrating funeral professionals, the event will include “fine dining, live music, in a ballroom setting” and “Saint Louis’ Elite society will be dressed to impress.” What an elegant and fun way to unwind, honor others, and support the profession!

Valuable lessons

Catholic high school students in Louisville, Kentucky have turned local cemeteries into a classroom of sorts, and they’re learning much more than math and science. Thanks to support from Catholic Charities, these students have taken on the responsibility of providing proper memorialization for the area’s indigent dead. Along with other community volunteers, the group regularly cleans up gravesites, installs memorials purchased by the charity, and facilitates Catholic memorial services.

This.

An article published last week by North Carolina Health News with the title “An embalmer worked by flashlight as Helene’s floodwaters rose” is an interview with Lonny Denny, a funeral director in one of the Ashe County communities that was devastated by Helene. It’s such a testament to your professions’ enduring dedication and servant hearts.