Preparation is Key to Helping Your Community Navigate Collective Grief

Two Deep South communities are still reeling from separate, yet equally devastating, October tragedies. In the early morning hours of Friday, October 10, a massive explosion leveled a munitions plant in McEwen, Tennessee, taking the lives of 16 employees. Later that day, a high school homecoming celebration in Leland, Mississippi turned deadly, as six people ranging in age from 18 to 41 were shot and killed.

These are the types of communities in which the saying “everyone knows everyone” rings absolutely true. McEwen has a population of just more than 1,700, and Leland is only slightly larger with about 3,600 people. A loss of 16 or 6 souls in one day in these towns can impact every resident; even if someone didn’t personally know a victim, they share in the grief of those who did.

“We have lost so many lifelong friends,” wrote one McEwen resident, who, according to The New York Times, was also a part-time employee at the explosives plant. “All their faces keep running through my head.”

A different kind of grief?

Community grief, or collective grief, happens when a society, group, or nation all experience extreme or sudden loss. It can occur after natural disasters like floods or tornadoes, during war, or, in these cases, a mass casualty accident or human-instigated violence. Collective grief isn’t limited to small towns like McEwen or Leland, either; people all over the country are praying for the families who lost loved ones this weekend. However, the residents of these communities are the hardest hit, and they’re the ones who will be left suffering the consequences long after their tragedy slips from the national headlines.

Although collective grief is unique, it is not completely different from the personal grief a person goes through after the death of a loved one. This grief can occur in the same stages — denial, anger, acceptance, etc. — but on a much larger scale. Therefore, the services that deathcare professionals offer to individuals and families at their times of need are still just as relevant and needed when a community-wide loss occurs.

How you can help

“This type of an event is absolutely devastating to any community,” says Bob Arrington, a well-respected deathcare professional whose Jackson, Tennessee funeral home is located just an hour from the devastated town of McEwen. “Funeral professionals have a lot to offer in many fields dependent on someone requesting the needs. 

In the aftermath of a traumatic community event, many people find comfort in being with others who most likely understand the feelings they’re experiencing. As a deathcare professional, you can leverage your leadership skills and provide assistance by coordinating a public memorial service or vigil and relieving the burden of logistics from victims’ families and authorities. 

You could also offer your funeral home or chapel as a safe, communal space where members of the community can come together to mourn, alleviating the isolation they might feel if they were mourning their losses alone. And when the time is right, you can leverage your expertise in aftercare by connecting community members to appropriate grief resources, hosting grief support groups, or leading educational workshops.

Of course, this assistance can be offered in addition to the ways your community and individual families will need your hands-on and immediate professional deathcare expertise. You may be called upon to set up and man a temporary morgue, for example, or to restore the dignity of a deceased victim whose body has been marred by a violent act.

Preparation is key

Although no one wants to think that a mass casualty event will ever impact their own community, Arrington recommends that every deathcare establishment and professional be prepared ahead of time.

“I feel the best action funeral professionals can take is before an event happens,” Arrington says. “Be prepared and have a plan you can pull off the shelf, whether it be prepared and coordinated through the state associations, regions or districts. That way the projected physical support, grief support, etc. is roughed out and all it needs is fine tuning for the circumstance. In this case, we are dependent upon the unknowns and it becomes reactionary.”

It’s Monday, October 27, and much of the Death Care universe is centered in Chicago, Illinois, attending the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) International Convention & Expo.  I had my schedule of the convention mapped out and was looking forward to attending my friend Doug Gober’s session on “Customer Loyalty” this morning”  and learning from the Glenn Gould, Jeff Smith, and Chris Farmer sessions tomorrow.

As I write this on Wednesday, October 22, however, I’ve cancelled my attendance as it just happens to be one of those years where “Life” got in my way.  I’ll miss seeing old friends and meeting new ones.  I’ll miss learning about new products and services to help those who deal on the front lines with families who have lost loved ones.

I’ve been retired now for over a decade from owning and operating a funeral home and working everyday as a funeral director.  I notified a couple of my friends, whom I make a point to see every year, that I would not be in attendance this year and, in part, received the following reply from one of those funeral directors, “I’m dragging my feet this trip a bit. Having problems getting a spring to my step. New teen suicide this morning also has me down.”

When I read that it put me back into remembering my days on the front line of funeral service and days where, I too, “got down”.  I don’t know how many days I went to work and got a call from law enforcement or a parent about an auto accident or suicide.  Those types of deaths happened with “friends” and “church members”, and “Little Leaguers”.

Like I surmise from that funeral director, I always dreaded going and seeing the families, most of whom I knew in our small community, under those circumstances.

Those arrangements and services always took an incredible amount of effort.  I was numb to anything else going on in the world for those four or five days during the time period of arrangements to burial.  The effort it took to serve those families almost always sapped me and when the services were over I needed time to decompress.  I was lucky to have an incredible wife and family that seemed to understand my situation at that time.

It eventually got to the point that I would ask myself, “Why do they always ask for me?” . . . .Because secretly I wished that these families didn’t.

However, I eventually reached a point where I said to myself, “Somebody has to take care of these people and no one will do it better than me.”  That attitude helped me see the end of the rainbow for funeral service. . . . . regardless of the effort involved, it was my duty and responsibility to see these families forward  — if it wasn’t my duty to do so, I concluded, whose duty was it?

So, in Chicago today, enjoy the Expo floor, enjoy the seminars, but most of all, give support to each other because as a funeral director you know the effort needed to help grieving families in a society where most people just don’t understand.

May God Bless your efforts.

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“A servant’s attitude guided by Christ leads to a significant life”

March 24, 2025

Funerals are an emotionally challenging time, and floral arrangements play a crucial role in expressing condolences, offering comfort, and honoring the memory of the deceased. Whether you are planning a tribute or selecting flowers to send, the arrangement you choose can convey sentiments of sympathy, remembrance, and love. Here’s a guide to help you navigate the selection process thoughtfully and respectfully. Understand the Purpose of Funeral Flowers Funeral flowers have long been associated with expressing sympathy, love, and reverence for the deceased. They provide a visual representation of the support and empathy being extended to grieving families. Floral arrangements can also enhance the atmosphere, offering a sense of peace, comfort, and beauty amidst sorrow. When selecting funeral flowers, think about the emotions you wish to convey. A well-chosen arrangement can serve as a tribute to the life of the deceased and a source of solace for those mourning. Types of Funeral Floral Arrangements There are various floral arrangements, each serving a distinct purpose. Here’s a breakdown of the most common options: Casket Sprays: Typically placed directly on the casket, these large, elegant arrangements are often the most prominent floral tribute. They can be designed in various colors and styles, including traditional or more contemporary themes. Standing Sprays: These arrangements are often displayed at the front of the ceremony or in a prominent location and are typically mounted on an easel. Wreaths: Circular in shape, wreaths symbolize eternity and the circle of life. They can be placed near the casket or at the memorial site. Wreaths are particularly popular for religious ceremonies. Sympathy Bouquets and Basket Arrangements: These smaller arrangements are often sent directly to the family’s home after the funeral. Funeral Crosses: These floral arrangements take the shape of a cross, providing a religious and solemn tribute. Selecting Flowers for the Arrangement The type of flowers chosen for a funeral arrangement can add another layer of meaning. Some flowers have traditional associations with funerals and carry symbolic meanings that make them particularly appropriate for these occasions. Lilies: Often regarded as a symbol of the restored innocence of the soul of the deceased, lilies are a popular choice for funerals. They convey purity and peace. Roses: Different colors of roses convey different meanings. Red roses symbolize love and respect, while white roses represent purity, innocence, and reverence. Yellow roses can symbolize friendship, making them a thoughtful choice for someone who was a dear friend. Chrysanthemums: Particularly popular in many cultures, chrysanthemums symbolize death and are often associated with the honor and remembrance of the deceased. Carnations: Known for their long-lasting qualities, carnations are often used in funeral arrangements to symbolize love and remembrance. Red carnations are associated with admiration, while white carnations represent a love that is eternal. Orchids: An elegant choice, orchids are often associated with beauty, strength, and love. They are a fitting tribute to someone whose beauty or strength left a lasting impression. Daisies: Known for their simplicity and purity, daisies symbolize innocence and are often chosen for someone who led a kind and pure life. Color Choices The color of the flowers can convey different sentiments. Generally, soft pastel tones such as white, pale pink, lavender, and soft yellow are seen as respectful and peaceful. Darker hues like deep reds, purples, or burgundy can symbolize deeper emotions of mourning and respect. Consider the emotional tone you wish to set when selecting the color scheme. White and Light Colors: These colors are symbolic of purity, innocence, and peace. They are ideal for creating a calming, reflective atmosphere. Rich Colors: Darker flowers like deep reds and purples are more somber and convey respect, admiration, and heartfelt mourning. Mixed Colors: A mix of colors can be used to celebrate the life and personality of the deceased, particularly if they enjoy vibrant colors. Selecting funeral flowers is a meaningful way to show respect and offer comfort during a time of loss. When choosing an arrangement, think about the message you want to convey and the emotions you wish to express. From elegant lilies and roses to more personalized arrangements, flowers provide a beautiful tribute to the deceased and a heartfelt gesture for grieving families. Whether you opt for traditional arrangements like casket sprays and wreaths or choose simpler options like sympathy bouquets, your selection can help honor a life lived and provide solace to those mourning the loss. Thoughtfully chosen funeral flowers will offer comfort during one of life’s most challenging moments.

Ashes Amid the Ashes: Dedicated Teams Are Helping LA Fire Victims Recover Cremated Remains 

In the aftermath of a devastating disaster like the January 2025 Los Angeles wildfires, even the discovery of a small memento amid the rubble is incredibly meaningful. As residents return to sift through what is left of their homes, stories of the recovery of wedding rings or a charred saucepan are both inspiring and heartbreaking. Many families lost everything but what they could quickly gather as they evacuated — and in many cases, this includes the cremated remains of loved ones.

Recently, a unique, poignant, and collaborative recovery effort has emerged: the targeted, purposeful search for those cremated remains lost to the wildfires. 

Alta Heritage Foundation’s initiative

Leading the charge in cremains recovery is the Alta Heritage Foundation (AHF), founded by archaeologist Alex DeGeorgey after the 2017 Tubbs Fire. AHF specializes in disaster archaeology, focusing on retrieving human cremains from wildfire-destroyed homes. Since its inception, AHF has conducted over 340 site excavations, assisting more than 350 families in California and Oregon. The recent Palisades and Eaton fires have heightened the need for their expertise, with over 1,000 families potentially requiring assistance. 

In a testament to community collaboration, students and faculty from California State University, Los Angeles (Cal State LA) have joined AHF’s recovery missions. Dr. Amira Ainis and her anthropology students have been on-site, working alongside seasoned archaeologists to meticulously sift through debris in search of cremains. This partnership not only aids affected families but also provides invaluable field experience for the students. 

Joining AHF and the Cal State LA volunteers is a team of four archaeologists from Southern Oregon University’s Laboratory of Anthropology in Ashland. These experts first worked with AHF in 2017.

The recovery process

Recovering cremains is a meticulous process that combines forensic archaeology with canine detection. After consulting with affected families to gather information about the possible locations of urns, archaeologists assess the fire-damaged sites. Specially trained dogs are then brought in to detect the scent of human ashes. Once potential sites are identified, excavation teams carefully recover the remains, ensuring they are returned to the families with the utmost respect. The numbered metal tags that are now included in cremated remains will be a valuable asset in confirming the identities of the deceased, as well.

The aftermath of wildfires presents numerous health hazards, particularly when sifting through ash and debris. Burned materials can release toxic substances, including lead, asbestos, and arsenic, posing risks such as respiratory issues and cardiovascular diseases. Experts advise individuals involved in recovery efforts to use protective gear to mitigate these dangers.

The Role of Funeral Directors

Funeral directors play a pivotal role in supporting families during such challenging times. Beyond your traditional duties, you can assist by:

• Providing information: Educating families about available recovery services, such as those offered by AHF, and guiding them through the process, as well as confirming the identity of cremated remains by referencing the numbers on metal crematory tags.
• Coordinating with recovery teams: Acting as liaisons between families and organizations like AHF to facilitate timely and respectful recovery of cremains.
• Offering emotional support: Recognizing the compounded grief of losing both a home and the physical representation of a loved one, and providing appropriate counseling or referrals.

Community resilience and moving forward

The collaborative efforts in recovering cremains highlight the resilience and unity of communities facing the aftermath of wildfires. For funeral directors, understanding and participating in these recovery processes not only extend your professional services but also reinforce your commitment to the communities you serve. By staying informed and involved, you can offer comprehensive support to families navigating the complexities of loss during such unprecedented times.

As wildfires continue to pose threats, the integration of specialized recovery efforts for cremains into disaster response plans becomes increasingly essential. Funeral directors, equipped with knowledge and resources, can be instrumental in these endeavors, ensuring that the memories and remains of loved ones are preserved, even in the face of nature’s most formidable challenges.