It’s Monday, October 27, and much of the Death Care universe is centered in Chicago, Illinois, attending the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) International Convention & Expo.  I had my schedule of the convention mapped out and was looking forward to attending my friend Doug Gober’s session on “Customer Loyalty” this morning”  and learning from the Glenn Gould, Jeff Smith, and Chris Farmer sessions tomorrow.

As I write this on Wednesday, October 22, however, I’ve cancelled my attendance as it just happens to be one of those years where “Life” got in my way.  I’ll miss seeing old friends and meeting new ones.  I’ll miss learning about new products and services to help those who deal on the front lines with families who have lost loved ones.

I’ve been retired now for over a decade from owning and operating a funeral home and working everyday as a funeral director.  I notified a couple of my friends, whom I make a point to see every year, that I would not be in attendance this year and, in part, received the following reply from one of those funeral directors, “I’m dragging my feet this trip a bit. Having problems getting a spring to my step. New teen suicide this morning also has me down.”

When I read that it put me back into remembering my days on the front line of funeral service and days where, I too, “got down”.  I don’t know how many days I went to work and got a call from law enforcement or a parent about an auto accident or suicide.  Those types of deaths happened with “friends” and “church members”, and “Little Leaguers”.

Like I surmise from that funeral director, I always dreaded going and seeing the families, most of whom I knew in our small community, under those circumstances.

Those arrangements and services always took an incredible amount of effort.  I was numb to anything else going on in the world for those four or five days during the time period of arrangements to burial.  The effort it took to serve those families almost always sapped me and when the services were over I needed time to decompress.  I was lucky to have an incredible wife and family that seemed to understand my situation at that time.

It eventually got to the point that I would ask myself, “Why do they always ask for me?” . . . .Because secretly I wished that these families didn’t.

However, I eventually reached a point where I said to myself, “Somebody has to take care of these people and no one will do it better than me.”  That attitude helped me see the end of the rainbow for funeral service. . . . . regardless of the effort involved, it was my duty and responsibility to see these families forward  — if it wasn’t my duty to do so, I concluded, whose duty was it?

So, in Chicago today, enjoy the Expo floor, enjoy the seminars, but most of all, give support to each other because as a funeral director you know the effort needed to help grieving families in a society where most people just don’t understand.

May God Bless your efforts.

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“A servant’s attitude guided by Christ leads to a significant life”

My wife sometimes accuses me of being too friendly.  You see, I’m okay in a crowded coffee shop or elsewhere, asking if I could share the table with already seated customers. . . .while Angie would simply leave the shop because it was too busy.

I try not to be intrusive on other people because I have times I don’t want to be bothered as well.  However, I’m met some great friends and had great discussions with strangers who were willing to share their table with me.

John Adams

One of those times was at the Baltimore Convention Center during the 2022 National Funeral Directors Convention.  I randomly sat down with two Brits attending the convention, one of whom I learned was Great Britain’s President of their National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), John Adams.

I learned that Adams works in a family-owned funeral home, Perry & Phillips, which you can read about here.  The business was founded in 1835.  In sitting down with Adams I learned a little of his background, including that his mother died when he was 12 years old.

That experience for him, as you can read about here, was a rallying cry for his term as President of NAFD.  Adams believed that a missing element for young people was the lack of learning about how death, dying, and bereavement can affect a child as he or she grows up.

During his preseidency and beyond, Adams pressed forward in his quest to have all children in Great Britain be taught about death,dying, grief, and bereavement.  He began a petition asking Parliament to look at that question as it continued to refine its public school requirements.  In addition, he met with King Charles to bring attention to the issue as you can read here.

There are now results —  Adams’ quest for children to learn that “Death is part of Life” has culminated with Adams being informed and Parliament now requiring that before a student finishes Primary School they must understand “That change and loss, including bereavement, can provoke a range of feelings, that grief is a natural response to bereavement, and that everyone grieves differently”.

Here are the new “General Requirements” for Primary School students in Great Britain to know in the “General Wellbeing category” effective September 1, 2026 (#8 is the new requirement that has been added):

Curriculum content:
1. The benefits of physical activity, time outdoors, and helping others for health,
wellbeing and happiness. Simple self-care techniques, including the importance of
rest, time spent with friends and family, as well as hobbies, interests and
community participation.
2. The importance of promoting general wellbeing and physical health.
3. The range and scale of emotions (e.g. happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise,
nervousness) that they might experience in different situations. Pupils should
understand that worrying and feeling down are normal, affect everyone at different
times, and are not in themselves a sign of a mental health condition.
4. How to recognise feelings and use varied vocabulary to talk about their own and
others’ feelings.
5. How to judge whether what they are feeling and how they are behaving is
appropriate and proportionate.
6. That isolation and loneliness can affect children, and the benefits of seeking
support.
7. That bullying (including cyberbullying) has a negative and often lasting impact on
mental wellbeing and how to seek help for themselves or others.
8. That change and loss, including bereavement, can provoke a range of feelings,
that grief is a natural response to bereavement, and that everyone grieves
differently.
9. Where and how to seek support (including recognising the triggers for seeking
support), including who in school they should speak to if they are worried about
their own or someone else’s mental wellbeing or ability to control their emotions
(including issues arising online).
10.That it is common to experience mental health problems, and early support can help.

Tom Anderson
Funeral Director Daily

Funeral Director Daily take:  From my perspective, making children aware of the consequences of grief and bereavement is extremely important in society.  According to this article and video report from ABC News 1 in 12 children (8.3%) in America will experience the death of a parent before they turn 18 years of age.

According to Micki Burns, the co-author of the report cited in the ABC feature, “Children who have lost a parent can feel isolated because it’s difficult for other kids to understand grief and loss. Recognizing that [losing a parent or sibling] is prevalent is important.  It’s something that we need to start to talk about more openly and more easily so that the children don’t feel so isolated.”

As she intimates, knowing about grief, loss, and bereavement is not only a good thing for those that lose loved ones, it is important for those who are friends of the bereaved so that they know about the emotions and feelings of one who has lost a parent.

The ABC article mentions that in America, the state of West Virginia has the highest percentage of “childhood grief” at 13.3% of all children in the state while the state of Minnesota has the lowest percentage of childhood grief.  The article postulates that poverty and resources availability may be one of the factors in the difference.

Finally, again from my point of view,  I think the more that we can teach the “soft sciences” such as grief and bereavement to our children the better society we will live in.  From my experience on the Board of Regents at the University of Minnesota I found no shortage of scholars among our youth — We are in good hands in that regard.  However, many of those same students would ask about classes that would help them navigate life as to finances, mental health, and good living practices.  I was always disappointed that I could not get the powers that be to offer more classes in those disciplines . . . . .so, I’m extremely appreciative that John Adams has!!!

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“A servant’s attitude guided by Christ leads to a significant life”

I don’t know if this ever happens to you, but every so often I seem to get hit from all sides with a certain subject matter.  It’s usually something that I have not thought of for awhile but then, all of a sudden, seem to have the subject come up over and over in a short period of time.

In the last couple of weeks it’s been that way for me on the subject of bereavement, and more specifically, how we as funeral directors help those with loss move through bereavement.

It started for me with All Saint’s Day on November 1.  That’s a day in the Chrisitian church where we celebrate those who have died before us.  At my church sanctuary we have candles and members are encouraged to light the candles in honor and in remembrance of those loved ones we have lost through death.

Tom Anderson
Funeral Director Daily

Then on Wednesday of that week my Men’s Bible study, that follows the topics of Sunday services, studied the Biblical book of Ruth and its lessons of loss, determination, and hope following loss.  It’s a short story of loss, bereavement, hope, and redemption that’s good for the soul.

Finally, I learned from a mass email from my friend, John Adams, former President of the National Association of Funeral Directors in Great Britain, that his “Parliamentary petition for all school age children to be taught about death, dying and bereavement in schools” in Great Britain will be further debated by Parliament on Monday, December 2.

I met John Adams and another funeral director from the U.K., Adam Ginder, at the NFDA Convention in Baltimore two years ago.  John told me at that time of his story and his desire to have children learn more about death, dying, and bereavement.  As John is quoted in this opinion article from Child Bereavement UK promoting Bereavement Education in schools,  “For a child, their immediate family is their life; I feel passionately that we need to involve children in funerals and the grieving process. We may want to protect children from sadness and loss but we cannot avoid it – it’s part of living.”

I once again had the opportunity to see Adam Ginder at the NFDA Convention in New Orleans less than a month ago.  I asked about John and Adam let me know that John was continuing his quest to have bereavement education to be taught in the equivilent of our elementary schools. . . . I was then later excited to see that Parliament is moving forward with the possibility of that happening.

I’ve also became aware of the Good Grief Trust from the United Kingdom.  It is an organization that “is run by the bereaved for the bereaved”.  John Adams serves as one of their ambassadors.

Related Article — John Adams meets King Charles and tells him of his campaign for bereavement awareness.

Funeral Director Daily take:  It’s interesting that a country will take a day of their lawmakers’ time to debate the issue of teaching the essence of bereavement and loss to its young people.  I’m guessing that there are a lot of other issues that many citizens would prefer to be discussed and it’s a testament to John Adams and his advocacy for this important debate getting to this point.

As I mentioned in my opening paragraph, sometimes you just get broadsided by one issue.  However, when that happens it does make one wonder about the subject  — in this case, bereavement and how funeral directors help clientele move forward from grief.

It has also made me think that, yes, owning or operating a funeral home is business.  However, it should not be taken lightly that how we help clientele in their journey to acceptance and moving forward from loss might make a big difference on how we are seen as “the funeral home of choice” to consumers.

Sometimes it just takes being hit from all sides with an issue to help one remember why that issue is so important and give us pause to ask ourselves how we are helping our clientele with that area of our business.

It is certainly important to make sure that we have positive cash-flow from our business activities but it may be even more important to make sure that our services are helping our survivor clientele move forward into a future with hope.

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“A servant’s attitude guided by Christ leads to a significant life”

I probably don’t write enough about some aspects of Death Care.  I get caught up in the business of funeral homes or the new products that help funeral directors and others do their job and sometimes forget about the “nuts and bolts” of why funeral directors do what they do.

But there is a big part of being a funeral director and one of the main reasons families pay tribute to and memorialize their loved ones after they die. . . that is the part of working to release the grief that we feel after loss.  And, I know it is there because among other losses in my life, my father died when I was a teenager and my brother took his own life at age 31. . . . . Those events are now over 40 and 30 years ago respectively, yet I still think about what life would be like today if they were both still present in my life.

I think my grief has been pretty normal if there is a “normal” for grief. . . I loved them, but know that they are not here on earth anymore.  I’ve moved on. . .but yet I continue to remember and memorialize in, what I believe, is a positive way. . . .and, I hope I always continue to do that.  And I also believe that “learning from my loss” has helped me become a better human being.

I also know that everybody grieves differently and in their own time and space.  I was reminded of that quite by accident on Sunday night when I watched the CBS program 60 Minutes which aired an incredible episode on The Mountain Seed Foundation and what they are doing to help Ukrainian widows and children, whose fathers and husbands have died in the conflict roiling in Ukraine, cope and move forward from those losses.

I was fascinated by the program and the organization that has been put in place by Retired Lt. Col. Nathan Schmidt of the United States Marine Corp to help these people from across the world heal.  And, it comes from Lt. Col. Schmidt’s own experiences of healing from the grief he suffered in three tours of Iraq and the losses he incurred during those tours.  You can read his story here.  In his own words, here is part of what he says, “. . and although I looked strong on the outside, I was broken on the inside. It has taken me over a decade to heal.” 

Tom Anderson
Funeral Director Daily

Lt. Col. Schmidt founded The Mountain Seed Foundation to help others heal and some of those he is helping suffer from war-torn regions like Ukraine.  Again, I know that we all heal differently and it was interesting to hear an Ukrainian widow describe her journey. . . .Paraphrasing, here’s what she said, “Life has been like reading a book for me.  But when my husband was killed, I just stopped turning the pages.  The Mountain Seed Foundation has got me moving forward again.”

Again, I know that as a writer and business I get caught up knowing that I write a lot about the “business” of Death Care.  Seeing 60 Minutes Sunday night, however, has reminded me that the “business” of Death Care should be ancillary for funeral directors to the primary human and fundamental mission of our occupation and that is to provide an outlet and pathway for those who have suffered loss to “heal and remember”.

To view the 60 Minutes episode on YouTube click here.

To whet your appetite, here’s a couple of comments that I saw on the comment section of YouTube.

• “That was heart-wrenching. Thank you to the Ukrainian families who shared their stories and grief. It’s hard enough to go through something like this even without cameras in your face. I hope this experience really did give them some amount of healing.”

• “Nathan Schmidt you are changing the world! Inspired by you and your incredible story. You are an example of the best of humanity. Keep doing the impossible. Your high school government teacher is proud of you.”

• “Incredible, inspiring story of courage, healing, community. This is news about humans at their best, truth-telling about compassion to balance so much cruelty. Thanks for featuring them.”

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“A servant’s attitude guided by Christ leads to a significant life”